S. T. O. P.

I want it so badly to stop

It's hurting every single inch of my heart.

You just don't care, do you?

Why does your ignorance always wins?

Yes, you got me.

You are torturing me like no one ever did.

And i hate this personality of yours to the extent that i sincerely wish i will never ever! have to see you and being tortured this way again.

I hate myself. For loving you. And i can never stop.
I hate myself. For needing love. And become its slave.

Dear Nemo

Dear Nemo in Heaven,

Hey girl how ya doing up there? I'm sure it's better than here...It's all so sudden since you left just nao ya know? cos this morning i was still feeding you with egg and medicine which you refused to take? it's been so rough for you isn't it? You had those worms killing your heart which made you weaker and weaker each day..i know...

But it's alright nao. I'm sure He will be taking good care of you. Nice food, nice space and hey, please find the right place to pee and poo ok cos trust me it's annoying to clean them everyday. but you were good, at least you only do your business in the kitchen :)

Nemo i miss you so much. I know we hadn't get along much before. But this time when i got back and i saw how weak you were and how you just wanted some care...i started to get along with you. it made me wanted to look at you every minute to check if you're doing ok...it's been just few days and i already felt and still feeling so heavy-hearted.

Until this morning when i push myself up from the bed, thinking that you haven't had your medicine and i was glad to see that you seemed better than before. i was thinking you would be fine cos the vet said if the you're still weak for 3 days you're gonna die.

Today you seemed so different. i was lying on the sofa watching movie and you climbed up to me which you never did. i was surprised yet delighted having the hope that you're really recovering well. However you refused to eat and you're still having this "hard to breath" condition. You started to talk and you climbed up the stairs and stayed for a while which kept me wondered.

Maybe you figured what's gonna happen. And that's why you wanted to spend the last good times with me. And that's why you climbed up to me. You wanted extra pat. i remembered you kept looking at me when you were on my lap...and it made me miss you so so so much right nao..you could never imagine the feeling when i saw you laid still under the dining chair and to carry you into the box.

I wish you can take good care of yourself girl. Make new friends and move on because you'll always stay in my heart. I know this will take a while for me, but you gave me the heart to have a another puppy in the future so that i have the chance to take very good care of it not letting it to leave me again like you did.

Please know that we love you..at least i really do.. Goodbye Nemo.. ♥♥

Dear Nemo

Dear Nemo in Heaven,

Hey girl how ya doing up there? I'm sure it's better than here...It's all so sudden since you left just nao ya know? cos this morning i was still feeding you with egg and medicine which you refused to take? it's been so rough for you isn't it? You had those worms killing your heart which made you weaker and weaker each day..i know...

But it's alright nao. I'm sure He will be taking good care of you. Nice food, nice space and hey, please find the right place to pee and poo ok cos trust me it's annoying to clean them everyday. but you were good, at least you only do your business in the kitchen :)

Nemo i miss you so much. I know we hadn't get along much before. But this time when i got back and i saw how weak you were and how you just wanted some care...i started to get along with you. it made me wanted to look at you every minute to check if you're doing ok...it's been just few days and i already felt and still feeling so heavy-hearted.

Until this morning when i push myself up from the bed, thinking that you haven't had your medicine and i was glad to see that you seemed better than before. i was thinking you would be fine cos the vet said if the you're still weak for 3 days you're gonna die.

Today you seemed so different. i was lying on the sofa watching movie and you climbed up to me which you never did. i was surprised yet delighted having the hope that you're really recovering well. However you refused to eat and you're still having this "hard to breath" condition. You started to talk and you climbed up the stairs and stayed for a while which kept me wondered.

Maybe you figured what's gonna happen. And that's why you wanted to spend the last good times with me. And that's why you climbed up to me. You wanted extra pat. i remembered you kept looking at me when you were on my lap...and it made me miss you so so so much right nao..you could never imagine the feeling when i saw you laid still under the dining chair and to carry you into the box.

I wish you can take good care of yourself girl. Make new friends and move on because you'll always stay in my heart. you gave me the heart to have a another puppy in the future so that i have the chance to take very good care of it not letting it to leave me again like you did.

Please know that we love you..at least i really do.. Goodbye Nemo.. ♥♥

家

什么是家？
家是supposed 给你温暖的一个地方
对吧？

前几天回到家
怎么说呢
感觉跟美里差得很远
i mean, of course 会有差
但这种感觉不是温暖

妈每天早出晚归
说是忙公事
难道这就给了不顾家的借口吗？
到了屋里客厅乱得一团糟
碗碟没人理
房间更不用说

天啊～这是个成熟家庭该有的condition吗?
回到家想吃家房菜
但吃过唯一一顿就是自己煮的晚餐。。 -.-

我好厌倦。
每天困在家
想出去走一走却没车

我知道
这没什么好哀的
after all 要怎么过生活都是自己选择的。

我明白。
但可不可以至少让我感受一下家里的温暖
我想念国中时候大家一起看电视的那种感觉。

想念sze 妈妈煮的菜 =(

矛盾

想说但说不出口的心情

想说但说不出口的痛

我好矛盾。