"If only"

If only the one who said all those things to me just now is you...

everything will be perfect i guess..

do you still think of me..even a tiny bit?

Dear... what can i say..thinking back the past, can be considered we've been through lots of things ei? i never thought we would end up like this...do you feel a slight hurt when u say u hate me? well, to be honest i hate you too...hate you for not understanding me..hate u for being so meeannnn...hating you for forgetting me so easily...hating you for giving us up!!! and also hating you for hating me... BUT i still thought of you always and i don't even know WHY!! i thought of the good times we've been together regardless of the bad times! and i will always tell myself about your bad sides so that i will persuade myself in hating you...but obviously i failed..terribly...why can't we be good even though we are not meant to be together...how sad that is that we have to become enemies or completely strangers?? i cant imagine the next semester we meet...will you still treat me like a transparet piece of glass and wouldnt even bother to talk to me? should we act like we never knew each other before and even loved each other before?
Dear...it's so hurting when someone you love calls you a bitch and worsely a slut, do you ever know that? even from the start i'm wrong in continuing this relationship, but do i really deserve that bad from you? from the very start before we even fell deep into each other, i bet u knew who am i...but y didn't you gave up? it's not because you're stupit but it's because you know you love me you told me you will accept everything regardless good or bad as long as you love that person..but now...you talk as if you never know who am i...delete me from msn and facebook where there are the only places where i can see updates from you makes me so down...now great...once a loving couple now become completely strangers...is this what God wants....why....why make us together if You know we will end up like this??? no more friends!!! why....=( i don't want you to hate me....talk to me dear....*sigh*

oh man....y am i talking craps here....ARGH!!!!!I MISS YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he would be probably laughing at me again if hell he got the chance to read this stupit post...but..yeah...i just wanna spit out whatever is in my heart and please tell me why am i still like this since he had completely erased me from his mind and heart perhaps??? i used to think...is there still a slight chance for us to go back to where we stoped? i hope so...but i don't think that will work anymore....sigh...oh .God...please spare me...